Anxiety falls under the same umbrella as depression…and for
much of my depression journey, I’ve not be aware of anxiety issues (or at least the depression part took center stage)….but today,
I am in a weird  sort of way.

Something is off kilter in my body: I’ve been waking up
before the rosters all year long (and that would be 19 days today)…at first, I
was delighted, because for me, this is a form of healthiness…when I’m
depressed, I can sleep all day. But when I’m better…and at my best…I’m an early
riser. I wake up singing, happy to greet a new day. Well, after 19 days of this
early rising, I think my body is saying: “look here, healthy girl; you don’t
really function on less than 6 hours of sleep; shoot, who are you kidding, you
really need 8 hours. Now, I’ve cooperated for 15 days or so of this…but while
I’m still letting you get up super early and run around quickly, I’m starting
to wear down and unless you do something about this, I’m going to kick it up a
notch and send you into an emotional tailspin—maybe depression, maybe anxiety.
Watch out.”

Yes, I’ve been warned; now, to do something about it.
Regulating sleep is not always in our control. When I’m on this cycle, 4 a.m.
wake-ups usually guarantee an 8.30 sleep/groggy Katara who can’t even look at
her favorite TV show without dozing. So, somehow, I need to figure out a way to
stay up past 8.30; 10 would be a good bed time.

I probably need to cut the caffeine. This morning, I woke up
hungry so I had cereal and milk; then my stomach felt unsettled…and since I
like to enjoy my travel-size mug of coffee on the long drive to work, I had
diet coke while getting dressed and saved the coffee for the road.  When I got to work, I listened to a very
interesting chapel speaker for 35 or so minutes…I kept looking at the clock
although what he was saying was of interest to me…I was too anxious to keep
still after an hour drive (not always the case, but this day it was). So after
chapel, I got hot chocolate…it was warm and had more caffeine…I just settled on
some decaf tea, more water, an aspirin for the headache…and less worry. Today,
I do have to work but I don’t have anything due…so I can go at my own pace…and
right now, that’s slow!

Just reviewing my calendar and giving myself the permission
to go slow, helped. My husband then called and made me laugh (thank God for
him! I need to say this more!!!) and I felt better.

But no, I’m not going to race today. I will work
consistently and well, but not fast. My body needs this pace and I’m thankful
that today is a day I can yield to my body and hopefully catch the anxiety
before it increases.

Selah!